The Surprising Thing About Dating an INTJ, as an INFJ – The Durk Web
One of the most salient ways Se may impact INTJ relationships is concerns about money. Like INFJs, INTJs can have a love-hate relationship with money. Over the last couple of years, I've received numerous requests for a post about INFJ and INTJ relationships. This pairing is extremely rare. While our discussions may be too heavy for some people, an INFJ and INTJ can't get enough of diving deep. INFJs love asking other people.
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I truly wish this subject was more readily taught and discussed with young adults. Just having a vague understanding could help so many people with life choices. Careers, choosing a mate, raising children, communicating with spouses, extended family relationships are all things where personality differences come into play.
The more educated someone is about the personalities that surround them, the more likely they will be successful in life and able to build a solid foundation around them. Relationships become tinged with co-dependent behavior as the partners attempt to use one another to supply them with the inferior needs that they enviously wish they could provide for themselves.
This is how a love-hate relationship develops. If the psyche feels that the unconscious inferior function is gaining too much power, the dominant function will readily take extreme measures to wrestle back control, like when we overcorrect after our car accidentally veers into the wrong lane.
The Surprising Thing About Dating an INTJ, as an INFJ
When we pair with our typological opposite without sufficient understanding of type dynamics or awareness of the powers of our unconscious over us, we put ourselves at great risk for experiencing this extreme tension and love-hate volatility in our relationships. Therefore, all of our unresolved issues with our tertiary and inferior functions become projected onto our partner and are acted out in our relationships — and usually in very destructive ways.
Typically, the things that initially draw opposite persons to one another end up being the same traits that create conflict and resentment down the road. The unconscious psyche, not one to be fooled easily, realizes that our partner is not an authentic or sufficient substitute for our own psychological growth.
In fact, after this point of realization, the partner is actually perceived as a threat, as an obstacle to our further development. Your passiveness is an invitation for him to become more aggressive, and that aggressiveness invites your passiveness, and so on until something or someone hits the fan.
And while all this may sound very grim, please know that there is absolutely hope for reconciliation with one another and with yourselves as individuals if that should be your desire. Doing this, quite clearly, demands being educated about your own inner conflict between your dominant and inferior function and recognizing the destructive pattern that your unconscious is acting out in the relationship. If the partners can make themselves aware that it is their own inner inferior functions that they are at war with, and not one another, they can avoid making each other scapegoats and villains and possibly save the relationship.
A great therapist can be a very useful dare I say necessary?
As you might guess, it is all to easy to slip back into unconscious habits and suddenly go to war with your partner anytime you are having a personal crisis with the inferior function which for most of us is an ongoing ordeal. In couples of opposite type, the temptation to do so is often just too great to make the risk worth the while.
Even the most self-aware, ego-less, and wise individuals would find it a challenging task. All of this serves to highlight the necessity, as you say, of bringing psychological self-awareness to the forefront of our educational pursuits.
I think you will find that you are not alone in wishing you had this information upfront. It feels tragic and unnecessary that so many people have to get burned before they realize that playing with fire is potentially harmful if one is not properly trained. I truly hope that, as difficult as this phase in your life may be, you are finding a way to reach the pinnacle of human potential by forging a new resilience, deeper understanding, and reconciliation with your psyche out of this loss. In that vein, I leave you with the words of Goethe: Because both enjoy the silence so much, they may take communication for granted and not share their feelings with each other often enough.
May lack a support network if both do not belong to a community because of their lack of desire to socialize. Intuition-Intuition Joys Because both parties enjoy discussing big ideas, possibilities and global issues, they will usually find a certain attraction to each other.
This is especially if they have similar viewpoints on certain issues, they will find chemistry with each other. Both tend to enjoy each other's uniqueness, not just in viewpoints but also in fashion, tastes and so on. Because both parties enjoy talking about the future, their conversations will more often revolve around future hopes and dreams and exciting possibilities.
Struggles However, they may lack interest in everyday living, hence if they are a married couple, household duties may tend to be neglected. Even if they attempt to take care of household, they may still miss important details in its maintenance.
The partner that has to be constantly responsible for the everyday maintenance may feel resentment or unfulfilled. A good balance can be achieved with proper delegation of duties or with the hiring of a domestic helper. Thinking-Feeling Joys Thinker will be attracted to the Feeler's compassion and warmth toward Thinker and others, which Thinker may find lacking in self.
Feeler is attracted to the objective, tough-minded Thinker who can take and give criticism without taking offense. He is one of the few people I know who can take criticism and make an action plan from it without taking offence. I call him Action Plan Man. He tackled the problem with military precision and would completely phase out for an hour a day whilst completing the mission.
He asked for my input throughout the whole process and he took all my feedback well and continued on his little mission. I cannot speak for him on this matter without tooting my own horn. Sometimes I notice how straightforward with me he is and have to remember not to take offence because a large part of the internalisation is to do with INFJs being sensitive to all emotions. So when my thinker boyfriend says something bluntly without meaning anything ill at all, it always evokes a larger than expected reaction from me.
In this respect I do believe that this is where we are well balanced. Between us we are ablate gain a lot of different perspectives before making important decisions. I do not like conflict and sometimes will go to great lengths to avoid this. It sometimes makes the situation more complicated than normal. We normally just laugh it off. There is a lot of affection in the relationship.
INTJ Relationships, Love, & Compatibility
I think he clocked on early on that this was my language of love and he has been exemplary. Likewise, I also have to be very straightforward with him about my feelings as this is the way he receives my show of affection better. Judging-Judging We like to use calendars to organise ourselves. If it is not in our calendars, it is not happening. The other sends an invite and we accept or decline accordingly. It really is that simple. We are both opinionated, but this somehow has not been an issue because we are both always willing to compromise or budge.
INTJ Relationships, Love, & Compatibility
We both like to resolve matters and have been successful at each stage. The challenge of getting to know the real him was an interesting and enjoyable one. Maybe the law of attraction cannot be boiled down to what our archetypes are and people are different.
We both have the same outlook on life and are willing to put in the work. It could just be that simple! June 6, at Please upload the coordinates of all INFJ females in the continental United States ranked by ability to withstand emotional trauma from dutch ovens. June 7, at But the rest of it is ACES. I am utterly trampled over emotionally by people who are that bombastic.