Tied in knots: The problem with mothers-in-law in India | sex and relationships | Hindustan Times
Even if the daughter-in-law enters the relationship with defiance, a wise Some wives have left their marriages when the husband's mother. So I've compiled a list of 15 of the most obnoxious mother-in-law behaviors Once my son is married, his wife comes first. . They are a hundred times more egregious when put in the context of a mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship . Though romantic relationships are very different from "blood" relationships, the biochemistry and When Shelley felt her mother-in-law Nora was excluding her from family . Yet all too often a husband will leave such boundary-work to a wife .
Trouble getting along with your mother-in-law? There’s a reason why
She'll also disregard any of your accomplishments as insignificant and unworthy of her attention. Only things that have value to her are important.
She makes it clear she doesn't like you. She will communicate to you, in a thousand subtle ways, that you are not good enough for her son or for her family. She will not say it to your face, no, but you will hear the message loud and clear. Depending on your self-esteem, you will either feel devastated or slightly amused. She expects complete subservience. To establish her dominance, she will expect you to please her.
That would include adopting her opinions, religion, culture, appearing at every family event, learning her ways of cooking, cleaning and just about everything else under the sun because her way is clearly betterand, last but not least, giving her grandchildren.
If you fail to do any of that, you are indeed a rotten daughter-in-law, and she has a right to complain about you to anyone who'll listen. She has control issues. If she can't get you to respect her authority, she'll tighten the reins on her son, her other kids, her grandchildren, and as many friends and family as possible. She'll make simple things complicated just to prove to everyone she's the one calling the shots.
She doesn't respect your words, choices, or personal space. She will come to your house uninvited and unannounced, expecting you to welcome her with open arms and be grateful for the honor of her visit.
She will look with disgust at how filthy your place is and how unmannered your kids are. She plays emotional games.
Her narrow mentality dictates that she must rule by withholding her affection and approval, so she will use silent treatments, guilt, blame, and direct intimidation to manipulate you and your husband. If he's not siding with her, she will be punishing and destructive towards him, too.
At the same time, she will be demonstratively granting her love to his siblings and your sister-in-law. She loves an audience, and she's very concerned with appearances. In public, she will enact a charming, cultured woman who is a selfless caretaker of her family. She may even be known as a philanthropist in her community. Most people will fall for that. They will not understand what beef you could possibly have with such a great lady.
Don't try to dissuade them. Let them stay in the matrix. Let them enjoy their steak. She's completely self-centered and narcissistic. Like any narcissist, she sees her children not as individuals, but as extensions of herself. Everything they do reflects on her, so she will go to great lengths to correct any "deviation" from the path she's chosen. That includes the people they marry; you. She will never give up trying to destroy your marriage or to control her children's lives.
She engages in smear tactics. If she feels that her seat on the throne is threatened, she will become extremely defensive and passive-aggressive.
She will start a smear campaign in her community, trying to turn everyone against you. You'll know she's not pleased when you start hearing all the rumors and lies she's saying about you behind your back. Eventually she'll try to turn her son against you, too. She's vindictive, spiteful, grudge-holding, and punishing.
If she feels threatened by you, she'll figure out a thousand ways to make you suffer for it.father in law vs mother in law
Get ready for guilt trips, silent treatments, finger-pointing, button-pushing, and manipulation. She'll turn all of her affection elsewhere just to spite you. She'll play favorites with everyone else, hoping to make you suffer even more. She shows you a negative side she hides from everyone else.
At some point you'll realize that your mother-in-law has two faces: And if you tell anyone, they'll think you're crazy for complaining about such a sweet lady. She acts like she cares but it's all show. There will be times when she's nice to you usually, after you've done something she approves of.
She might get you a nice gift for your birthday, support your opinion or compliment you or at least refrain from insults for once. At this point you might be tempted to think that she's starting to accept you as a daughter-in-law, but don't be fooled. She's just waiting for you to let your guard down. Don't lose your vigilance even when she's on her best behavior.
It may look like things are getting better. He learns the truth of love through her gaze and care first. In other words, a man makes a man, but we want more than a man — we want Christian gentlemen — and it is the mother that puts the gentle in a gentleman. A daughter grows more like the mother as she becomes a woman. But a boy grows more unlike her. He clings more and more to the men and friends that he will be like. He especially clings to the father during adolescence.
This does not mean it grows less loving or close. But at some point they begin to know each other as man and mother and not boy and mother. When the separation does not occur, an element of boyhood remains. This can be hard for mothers, because they have a special place for their boys in their hearts.
Marriage requires the total self-gift, so he cannot retain a boy-like affection for his mother while giving himself totally to his wife. A hard new truth This separation is hard for mothers. This is also why and when the tension builds: This becomes a greater problem if the son does in fact remain overly attached to his mother.
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Naturally, she had strange feelings toward the new young bride that had displaced her. Mothers must accept that their sons are men and husbands, meaning mom must, in a sense, submit to his authority in his home and not ever seek to influence the choices and directions of the family. She no longer has authority over him.