What To Do When Relationship Baggage Is Weighing You Down | Thought Catalog
EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE | HOW TO RELEASE RELATIONSHIP BAGGAGE In this video we discuss emotional baggage and how to release. Do you feel weighed down by your past, negative relationship baggage? Maybe this "baggage" weighs in as trust issues? Or, you feel cynical. Having a lot of baggage means that they have experienced negative things in their the pain of those experiences control their behavior in a new relationship.
Then when a partner treats you badly, your suspicions are confirmed.How To Talk About Your Past Baggage In a Relationship
Yet you failed to set healthy boundaries from the beginning. You struggle with intimacy and are either a pursuer who craves intense closeness or a distancer who can be remote and shut down when stressed. You have negative beliefs about yourself and your ability to find long-lasting love.
Owning Our Emotional Baggage in Relationships
However, you end up feeling resentful and believe that people will reject you unless you make them happy and are in a good mood. You are convinced that your relationship issues are because of your partners.
Therefore, you spend too much time analyzing others rather than taking responsibility for your role in your problems.
Some people create a narrative for their life that focuses on suffering and self-blame. Some of us are conflict junkies, and that addiction lasts far longer than substance abuse addictions. We may be attached to the drama of fights, even if we protest mightily that we want serenity. However, she is motivated to change this unhealthy pattern and feels she deserves to have a healthy relationship.
And then in that situation it would be my own responsibility to deal with it and figure out why I reacted the way I did. Is there some sort of underlying issue going on? Am I truthfully just not happy in the relationship? Do I not feel heard or loved or supported? The truth is that the chance of being something and going into a relationship without some sort of emotional baggage, whether it be a trust issue or intimacy insecurity or a fear of being vulnerable, is highly unlikely.
But the way we handle it has everything to do with how it impacts the relationship and how it can actually deepen and strengthen the relationship if reframed in a way that's beneficial and positive. And a lot of that begins with self-awareness. Truthfully, we never really have any idea what is going on for the other person when we get into a new relationship.
Emotional Baggage: How it’s Hurting You & How to Move On | Her Campus
In the beginning, things are usually at an all-time high and no one is really thinking about anything other than love, lust, and that new sex position that had obviously never been discovered before. But as relationships progress and intimacy begins to deepen and things start to "get real," our issues tend to surface and we can either avoid what's going on and have it come out later, somehow or we can deal with it, work through it, and see what kind of positivity the outcome brings.
And most of us already know what our issues are and can point them out, name them, and even pinpoint when and why they get triggered. I think a lot of people go into relationships looking to the other person to "fix" their feelings or issues. For example, in a relationship between a man and a woman, a woman might feel insecure about her body. She may ask the man to remind her over and over that she is beautiful and skinny, though even after he tells her over and over, she still does not fully believe him.
In this situation, the woman is looking to the man for validation about something that can only actually come from her.
Sure, it feels good to hear nice things about our bodies or other partsbut the issues really begin when partners look to each other to "fix" things. A lot of the time, people in relationships come to a place where they don't actually want to do the personal work on themselves anymore and instead want to focus on the relationship. But this gets old fast and can lead to all sorts of resentments and unhealthy dynamics that can be otherwise avoided.
In my opinion, the key to handling emotional baggage is to be aware of it, know it, own it, and handle it.
I do think that open communication is helpful and necessary in any and all relationships especially romantic relationshipsbut I also don't agree that sharing every tiny detail of feelings is necessary either. Personally, I know what my baggage is. In a new relationship, it will inevitably come up but my first rule of thumb is to see how much I can handle on my own. I ask myself three questions: Is this a new or old issue? What is actually happening in this moment?
What can I do to take care of myself?
Emotional baggage - Wikipedia
If I can get to the bottom of what's really going on example: My preference is always to handle what I can on my own, take care of myself, and then come forward to share with my partner.
There's a time and place to be emotional, and as a woman I can certainly be emotional, but handling myself with integrity is important to me in any situation.
On the other side of that, it's my hope that my partner has similar views and is aware of his own issues just as much as I'm aware of mine. Not everyone works things out in the same way, and there's always room for compromise and understanding, but it's much easier to have an honest, communicative and productive conversation when both people are in an emotional space to actually talk to each other.