The Dating Game of Hot and Cold | HuffPost
Giving these guys space is the best way to communicate that you are not okay with the hot and cold antics. If your man is not sure of the relationship, then you. Jun 23, How To Deal With a Man Who Blows Hot and Cold If a guy is like this in the relationship, you can't count on him; and that goes for her as well. Men can become distant even in good relationships, and if you know what to do, you can keep your guy physically and emotionally engaged even when he.
Without realizing it, you've submitted to their need for emotional and psychological control.
These are the basic dance steps to this type of behavior. Each step is a phase, and each phase has a cycle. This formula is predictable and consistent even when your partner's reactions are not. Simply put, when you pull away, they'll re-engage you.
When you advance, they'll pull away. After a cycle or two of this routine you'll be so confused you won't know which way to move. The pattern repeats itself for as long as you're willing to play this game. The beautiful truth is that this has nothing to do with you. You're not at fault. There's nothing you did, or didn't do, that's causing this. Don't let your friends analyze your situation and convince you otherwise. Just notice where you are in the cycle and don't let it disempower you.
Understanding what comes next puts you back in control of your own reactions. There's a marked difference between a relationship hiccup and the game of hot and cold. Relationship hiccups occur because your partner is emotionally invested, but scared. There's open communication about their fear. Once stated, the hot phase normally reboots and continues with forward movement.
Men Who Blow Hot and Cold - What to do with Them
A hot and cold player reverts to cold as the norm, with bursts of hot that don't result in forward movement. The root cause of this behavior is a desperate attempt to gain control over the uncontrollable; love.
It's a way to feel love without getting hurt. But the partner, who's committed to playing safe, will never allow himself or herself to experience love. They'll toy at it, dipping their toes in and out of the water without ever getting wet. The cycles of hot and cold may make you feel like the powerless one.
It appears as though as though your partner has all the strength. But it's just the opposite -- real power is the ability to maintain intimacy. Power and strength of this caliber have no fear of being honest and direct. Games are an ego default when being "real" feels too scary. Authenticity takes tremendous courage. Being open and honest is a gift that's born of inner confidence and self-worth.
Here's where the tables turn in your favor. Once you recognize this pattern, you've already gained your freedom from the automatic response instigated by your partner's game. There's nothing to lose. Authentic communication reveals your partner's fears, allowing their concerns to be voiced and worked out while maintaining connection. Does your questioning meet hostility, defensiveness or resistance? If so, you've gained valuable information.
This is a partner who's in the game for an ego boost and doesn't possess the skill set required for a relationship with you. Cut your losses and walk away. Your time's better spent with someone who is capable of honesty, intimacy, and consistent behavior. After questioning, does your partner react with concern or guilt?
Do they reveal their inner conflict?
The Hot and Cold Guy: Why Is He Hot and Cold (And What to Do About It)
If so, then you may have stumbled upon a highly sensitive and fearful individual. Give him the space he needs and just focus on your own life. Men are not in a headspace to be compassionate and loving when they are stressed and off balance and it will be very hard for you not to take his behavior personally. But only if you respect his need for space! This is a huge mistake most women make. He wants to slow things down.
Love Essentially: Dating someone who is hot and cold leads to freezer burn
So he settles into a more comfortable routine, and that often means he is slightly less engaged in the relationship. No one wants this to be the truth. At the root of his hot and cold behavior is a whopping dose of uncertainty. The switch you feel in this scenario is really just him testing the waters to see if he wants to dive in.
Your guy has been playing the hot and cold game.The Dating Game of Hot & Cold; Decoding the Phases and Patterns — Susan Winter
First things first, take an honest look at the relationship and try to figure out the reason for his behavior. It will most likely be due to one of the three reasons listed above.
No matter what the reason, the worst possible thing to do is chase after him. This instinct is activated by fear and will come across as desperate and needy. Just go with it. In this case, stop focusing on the relationship so much and instead focus on yourself and on enjoying your life and bring that positive energy into the relationship. There is no point in degrading yourself trying to win him over and get him to like you. Instead of seeing this as a loss, see it as a win. I hope this article helped you better understand why men can run hot and cold.