Relationship counseling for friends

Using Relationship Counseling for Friendships | Two Trees Counseling

relationship counseling for friends

Have you ever had a troubled relationship with a friend? Did you get through it or stop being friends? Do you think counseling for friends would. Personal relationships however are those that involve some degree of intimacy, sharing, and emotional attachment, like family members, friends, and romantic. Looking for a online friendship counselling? Some of the factors that lead to sourness in our relationship with our friends are miscommunication, time.

I met Sophie on our first day at university. From our very first conversation, sitting on the floor eating peanut butter on toast, I knew we would be friends. She was smart, go-getting and, like me, loved food and music. She had spent the last year travelling in Africa.

relationship counseling for friends

I had just moved over to the UK after spending a few years abroad. Ten years later, she is still the friend I rely on for non-BS advice and she's my go-to girl for turning a bad day into a good one. Our conversations always seem to be about her issues and dramas.

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As many of us know - whether it's from YouTubers Zoella and Gabriella Lindley, whose friendship publicly fizzled, or Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag, who went from BFFs to frenemies in The Hills - best friendships are far more complicated than people tend to acknowledge.

I know people who have gone as far as breaking up with their former friend - and, yes, 'break-up' is the right word.

relationship counseling for friends

Studies suggest the end of a friendship can be as painful as the breakdown of a romantic relationship. My friendship with Sophie feels exactly like a struggling relationship.

What It's Like To Go To Couples Therapy With Your Adult BFF

On the flip side of this situation, is the expectations our friends and family place on us that we may either not be aware of or that we may be unable to fulfill.

Boundaries are another source of conflict in relationships. Boundaries are the innate dividing lines we draw between ourselves and those around us. If crossed, we can feel angry, hurt, humiliated, or even violated. In personal relationships however, our boundaries are often more tightly linked to our expectations. When we begin a new relationship, we tend to loosen our expectations and the comfortable limits of our boundaries.

We are often consciously or unconsciously taught as children that setting boundaries is rude, disrespectful, and wrong and as such, when we become adults we may not even know how to set healthy limits.

In reality, boundaries provide us with emotional safety in a relationship.

I want my best friend and me to get couples therapy

They allow others to know how to act around you and what they can expect, providing them with a level of security as well. Generally, if you have low self-esteem you will have problems setting appropriate boundaries, simply because you may not feel you deserve the respect boundaries provide. If you repeatedly find yourself in the same type of negative relationship, counseling can offer insight and support. Even though relationships involve more than one person, ultimately, the only person you can change is you.

It was work stress!

relationship counseling for friends

Maxine promptly called bullshit. We just had to figure out how not to let it affect ours. Finally, Maxine asked Sophie to turn to me and tell me what it was like to listen to me talk about my feelings, specifically as they pertained to her life and her decisions. Obviously, this was not something we'd ever done before.

– Relationship Counseling for Friendships

In spite of all the sharing and encouragement and validation we'd had for each other's emotions, Sophie and I had never actually communicated about how those responses affected us. We both seemed calm as Sophie turned to me, but I got the sense she felt weird about the exercise too; she kept her arms crossed over her chest as she talked, while I had to force myself to look in her direction.

But it didn't suck.

relationship counseling for friends

In fact, it was kind of a relief. I don't know why I was so afraid to look at her while she said, simply, how she truly felt about our friendship for the very first time.

Now I think it's something we should say more.

I want my best friend and me to get couples therapy - BBC Three

She nodded, and we stopped to turn toward each other, our puffy winter coats deflating a little as we stood in an embrace. We both held on for a second, before Sophie said, "Can we go get a sandwich?

Her analysis of our friendship was depressing, to say the least, but it applied to more than just Sophie and me. She was right, I thought, but so was Maxine. Sophie and I went into therapy laser-focused on all the aspects of our bond that can feel like they're leeching the life out of both of us, without identifying the invaluable parts that make both our lives better — the nights spent dancing to Taylor Swift in the middle of our office, alone but together, or the afternoons spent eating sandwiches on my fire escape, using my yoga mat as a tablecloth and laughing until one of us cries, pees or nearly chokes.

Maybe we should focus more on the parts of our friendship that make us happy; after all, that's what friendship is supposed to be about. It's also about supporting each other, but I think we both need to learn how to support ourselves first. Either way, seeing Maxine helped us remember the aspects of our friendship we're too quick to forget when something goes wrong.

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