Meet The Fockers Script - transcript from the screenplay and/or Ben Stiller movie
Analyze This-funnies scene. vicenzo . Funeral Therapy Session - Analyze This() - Robert De Niro - p - Duration: Notable. In order to cover for Paul Vitti (Robert De Niro) at a 'Mob Meeting', Ben Sobel ( Billy Crystal) poses as his new Consigliere. 'Analyze This'; A film. Ben Stiller with Robert De Niro in 'Meet the Parents' A year before Meet the Parents came Analyse This, in which De Niro played a mob boss in Like many of that film's best lines (“You ever have sex with an animal, Jack?.
Oh, watch the nipple. It's got a great, lifelike, and a Or what I would imagine Debbie's breast might-- might actually feel like. Not that I would know. Honey, you promised you wouldn't take the boob out in front of company. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Breast-feeding is perfectly natural.
Dad, that's not natural, that's just weird. As soon as Little Jack's topped off, we're gonna hit the road. Oh, Jack, you can't drive any more tonight.
Monroe said no aggravating your sciatica. Honey, we're on a very precise schedule. We bunk here tonight, we hit horrendous traffic in the morning. Maybe you could drive the night shift. I could do that.
I am the Co-Captain. So, I think that falls under my responsibilities, right? Keep her at stay alert. I've been wanting to get behind the wheel of this big boy.
Sorry, got to go. Would you like some company, Greg? If you can't sleep. How about a cappuccino? Oh, you don't have to do that. It's no problem for me. Wake up and make Greg a cappuccino! Shake a leg, woman! Jesus, Jack, you know, I'm not that tired. This cockpit's completely soundproofed. You should've seen the look on your face. That was-- That was a good one. But you should never talk to a woman like that, you know that, Greg. Greg, a man reaches a certain age when he realizes what's truly important.
You know what that is? Now, my grandson, Little Jack, is part of that legacy. In six months, you and Pam are gonna be married. Sometime after that, you'll want to start a family of your own. Actually, on the subject, I had some thoughts about the wedding date. We'll discuss that later, after this weekend, Greg. Now, let's get back on point.
Let me put it very simply. If your family circle does indeed join my family circle, they'll form a chain. I can't have a chink in my chain.
I get the metaphor. Now, I've never met your parents, so I'm not going to jump to any hasty conclusions. But, like studying a frozen caveman, if I can see where you came from, I'll have a much better idea of where you're going. A- are you thinking maybe my parents might be like-- like a chink in the chain or A doctor and a lawyer, what's there to worry about? Ooh, it seems very nice. Is that your father? That is my father. What the heck is that contraption?
I thought you guys were flying in tonight. I left a message yesterday We were driving-- Oh, I didn't get a message. I left you like five messages. Will you get over here and plant one on me. I've been waiting so long to see you.
Analyze This () - Robert De Niro as Paul Vitti - IMDb
Good to see you. Oh, I missed you. Is this not the most handsome young man you've ever seen in your life? I used to call him a young Jewish Marlon Brando. Can you believe I conceived him with one testicle? I only have one because the other never dropped. It's called an undescending testicle. It's not uncommon, but look at him. Imagine what he would have looked like if I had two. That's a good icebreaker. There's the sexiest second grade teacher I've ever seen in my life.
That was a good one. It gets her every time. It's so nice to meet you. The pleasure is all mine, mon cheri. You got to be the flower man. Jack Byrnes, Pam's father. And I'm Bernard Focker, Gaylord's father, and we're all grownups here and we shake hands like men. Oh, we're just playing here.
Give me some love. What're you so shy about? Look at those pecs. You're harder than sheetrock. Now tell me the truth. You work out with weights, right? Well, I do various callisthenics. Some medicine-ball training, I play bimonthly football. I was just, uh, practicing my Capoeira. The Brazilian martial art of dance fighting. He knows what that is. You know, I've been doing it for weeks. I'm really into it.
It keeps me level. Because sometimes I get wound up so tight, I could just snap. Is there a baby on board? It was all in the message. Hey, Moses, go ahead, say hello to your future in-laws. No, no, he's harmless. Just shake him off. He likes the shaking. The pink part didn't get on you. Moses, go, get in your basket. Who's this little guy? This is our grandson, Little Jack. How are you, Little Jack? Hey, Dad, don't-- don't-- don't infantilize him.
Just talk to him like a person. What are you talking about? I want to talk to him like he's a baby. When Roz's dad died, I said: Dad, you continue the tour. I'm gonna tell Mom we're here, okay? The upstairs bathroom is on el fritzo. So we're all gonna have to share this one for now. Since there's a water scarcity on the island, we kind of abide by the ''if it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down'' policy.
Forgot my own rule. The RV has paid for itself already. Let's get your kundalini rising. And now it's time for the ladies to get into the reverse cowgirl position. Guys, you have to lie across the Liberator pad like so. Everyone look at how Ira's doing it. The man is loose, he's limber and he's ready for action. So, climb aboard, girls, and let me hear your bodies talk.
This position is terrific for anyone with osteoporosis, gout or goiter. Stay with me, kids. We have to wrap it up. Remember to take your Liberator pads. And don't forget to stretch before you try this at home. We don't want anyone shattering a pelvis.
Oh, I love you so much. I haven't seen my bubeleh in months. Honey, you feel thin. Mom, how do we explain all these people to the Byrneses? The Byrneses won't know they were here. We agreed to be discreet about you being a sex therapist this weekend until you got to know Jack and Dina better. I put all my toys away. And my office is all ready for them to sleep in. Your father thought they'd be more comfortable down here.
You don't wanna know. Talk to me about something important, honey. How are things with you and Pam? Because, you know, after two years, you have to work to keep things going.
Does she still climax regularly? You can't talk that way this weekend, okay? Honey, I'm just saying I didn't raise you to be a so-so lover. Okay, what is he doing? Don't-- don't worry about them. Mom, Mom, you got to get these people out of here now. Wipe that little gloss off you.
You hunt deer, Bernard? No, I hate that thing. Roz's father gave it to us. He was into all that macho-wacho crap. He and I went duck-hunting together. Gay, you went duck-hunting with-- with Jack?
We went, we did. We went on a little hunting trip. You shot a duck? I shot at a duck and You killed an innocent creature of the sky?
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I think I might've clipped it or And now, for the piece de resistance. Little somethin' I've been workin' on.
Mom will be out in a sec. It's the Wall of Gaylord. The Wall of Gaylord? Isn't it nice to finally display your accomplishments, Son? Honey, look at all your awards.
Oh, I didn't know they made ninth place ribbons. Oh, Jack, they got them all the way up to th place. Anybody want to get a drink by the lagoon? This one looks impressive. We've always tried to instill a sense of self in Gaylord without being too goal-oriented. It's not about winning or losing, it's about passion. We just want him to love what he's doin'. You know what I mean, Jack? I think a competitive drive is the essential key that makes America the only remaining superpower in the world today.
Don't forget the positions. Oh, Thank you, BJ. Ira, remember, easy on the thrusting. What-- What kind of work does your mother do with those patients? Those look like yoga mats. Is there yoga involved? It's sort of, um, a, um, a-- a-- a couples therapy. It's kind of her own sort of-- Rozela! How are you, baby girl? Look at you, you're glowing!
I-- I just can't believe it's taken us this long to meet, huh.
Robert De Niro: Paul Vitti
And who's this little hairball? They brought their grandson Baby Jack along. I could eat him up. Bern, did you show them where they're sleeping? Because we don't have any air-conditioning, I made up a nice spot for you in Roz's office 'cause it gets the best breeze, and it's very near the communal commode. Oh, well, you know, actually, we're gonna stay in our motor home. We sleep under the same roof. Actually, Mom's office is kind of cluttered.
So, that-- that works all right. It's just really easier with Little Jack. They wanna sleep in the trailer, let them sleep in the trailer. Mom, it's not actually-- It's not a trailer. It's kind of like-- It's like a-- like a hotel on wheels. This is practically a hotel.
I was gonna do the turndown service-- I know, I know, but it's their choice. Wherever you feel most comfortable is fine. Bern, let it go. Yeah, let it go. Look at you, sulking. Now, look at this. I married a teenager. At least you have the libido of a teenager. I gave her a little matinee today-- Oh! How about a double feature? Why don't we go show them the lagoon?
Come see the lagoon. We'll get drunk, we'll take a piss in the lagoon. Roz, why don't you take them outside? I'll make a drink. Hey, Dad-- It's going good so far, right? Dad, you gotta take down that weird shrine thing. But I'm very proud of you, Gaylord. What's wrong with showing it? Most people aren't proud of sixth place ribbons. Since when do you care about most people?
I don't, but Jack is really into winning and competition and sports. It's a whole other thing with him. You're a winner up here and in here. And that's all that matters. I don't know what that means, but thank you. So, to solve that problem, I created a life-like latex left breast moulded from his mother's actual left breast, so this way L.TOP 20 Robert De Niro Quotes
You're avoiding confusion by strapping a boob on a man? Well, yes, believe it or not, it is less confusing because of the texture Mom. Uh, I guess it's very, uh, creative. A little birdie told me that one of our guests here is a Tom Collins man.
Oh, for pity's sake. Isn't that nice, Jack? I want to make a toast. Now, I had a vasectomy in So, unfortunately, I never had the chance to procreate a daughter, but had I been able to, I really would've wanted a girl as sensitive and as intelligent and as beautiful as this young lady sitting right here before us.
And if I might add I thought you had a sister? You said you had a sister. You said you milked your sister's cat. Okay, I'm not done yet.
What I'm trying to say is, it's taken far too long to do this, you know, but we're finally all together. All right, that's enough. Like you have popcorn stuck in the throat.
I want to say one more thing about my vasectomy.
Meet the Parents, Jack Byrnes
Honey, get yourself over here. You're so cute, they'll forgive you anything. You are the sexiest woman alive I know. You're just trying to get me back into bed.
TOP 8 ANALYZE THIS QUOTES | A-Z Quotes
This is a delicious Tom Collins. What I did, I used real lemon juice. It's from our trees here. He was squeezing all afternoon. And, Jack, I managed to make some lemon juice, too. Gay, you all right? Well, I think that Roz and Bernie seem like very nice people. A little off-colour, but very nice.
But isn't it wonderful, Jack? After all this build-up, the kids are finally getting married. I feel so happy. I think he just spoke. Little Jack, were you about to speak?
Nope, just a little flatulence. What were you saying, honey? Guys, where are you going? We're checking out Jack's macho-wacho trailer. I want to see that boob. Can I talk to you for a sec?
Hey, listen, don't let Moses go in there.
They have a cat. Moses is perfectly trained-- Dad, he humps everything that moves. Honey, he's like his father. I never cheated on you. They're not listening to me.
They seem to be getting along really well, don't you think? I kind of feel bad that I worried so much. I'm two weeks late. I'm nauseous, my boobs hurt, and I can smell everything. You're gonna have a baby. Oh, we're gonna have a little baby, a baby. You realize your father is going to kill me?
No, no, no, no, no. He's not gonna find out because we're not going to tell him. He's a human lie detector. He lives to sniff out stuff like this. We'll get through this weekend, we'll get through tomorrow. And-- and-- and we'll tell them on Sunday before we go. We'll tell them all. I just hate the idea of keeping secrets from your dad. It's just one little secret. Welcome to the chateau. No wonder they don't want to sleep in our shit box. Look at this place.
I-- I don't think the dog is such a good idea. Moses is more of a lover than a fighter. He's always dreamt of me having a white wedding. You don't know how upset he's gonna be. No, I do know. Dad, I told you to keep him out of the RV. He said he wanted to see the RV. Get that goddamn dog out of here!
Jinx, don't do it. I'm gonna save you! The cat can flush? Get out of the way! What the hell are you doing? I got to get my dog! What about my toilet? So much for the protection of our rolling safe house.
Oh, honey, he was trying to save his pet. I mean, what if it was Jinxy who got flushed into a toilet? Jinx has had extensive aquatic training. He would have known exactly what to do in the event of a submersion. Alanna Ubach is playing the older woman, but she is ten years younger than Ben Stiller in real life. Stiller joked that the worst thing his famous parents did to him was go on game shows and lose. Streisand also directed it.
Director Jay Roach actually used the Ferber method on his 1st child. Almost everyone who saw the movie knew that Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand were coming up. Since it was going to be a while before they appeared, Jay Roach wanted to give the audience a preview. Teri Polo is back as Pam.
This was just a year before she started on The West Wing Robert De Niro had a behind the scenes role as a producer on both Parents and Fockers.
Their mother, a pediatric nurse, taught them how to sign. Stiller called her and told her that she should do it.
She was so impressed she said yes. Alanna Ubach plays Isabel Villalobos. She was in both Legally Blonde movies. Legendary comic Shelley Berman plays Judge Ira. It just makes you feel drunk. Historical Note Capoeira, created by slaves in Brazil, was disguised to look like a game to fool slave owners. Location Notes Only one part of the movie was filmed in Miami. Everything else was shot in Los Angeles. Some shoot locations include the L.
Arboretum and Botanic Garden. Other songs played in the film include: Bush was re-elected in Playboy thought Teri Polo was hot. The wedding is interrupted when an assassin is killed by one of Vitti's men.
Sobel confronts Vitti and argues with him until he becomes angry. Sobel suggests he resolve his anger by calling Sindone and telling him how he feels. Vitti phones Sindone and starts by telling him how he feels but ends up threatening to kill him.
Sobel and his family return to New York, where they find a fountain in their garden, a gift from Vitti. He changes his mind when the FBI play a tape in which Vitti reveals his intention to kill Sobel after the meeting which the FBI had altered; Vitti was actually saying he would kill anyone who harmed Sobel.
At his next meeting with Vitti, Sobel wears a wire, but throws it away when he learns that, as a child, Vitti saw his father murdered. Vitti, informed that Sobel was working with the FBI, takes him to a secluded place to kill him.
Sobel and Vitti get into an argument, and Vitti breaks down as he admits that he blames himself for his father's death. Just then, two hitmen arrive to kill Vitti, but Jelly kills them both.