The Narcissist and the Empath: A Toxic Attraction | PairedLife
There's no denying the age-old truth about relationships: There are just some people who are destined to be together despite all odds. And on. A relationship with a Highly Sensitive person is probably the best match for are Empaths and on the other end are Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths. I am an empath. I discovered I was an empath after I got involved in a very deep and highly destructive relationship with a narcissist.
A relationship between a narcissist and an empath often leads to pure destruction.
The Narcissist and the Empath: A Toxic Attraction
Here is a glimpse into the various stages of that kind of relationship: The narcissist will love all the attention that the empath is giving and thus, the relationship takes its start. The narcissist is going to propagate a false environment of commitment and loyalty that can lead to the empath falling even further.
The empath will feel a sense of total insecurity and vulnerability whenever they are away from their narcissistic partner. The narcissist will feed off of the weakness of the empath. This is a blatant form of emotional manipulation. They will try to understand why the narcissist is acting this way instead of doing anything about it. The empath will falsely believe that the problems in the relationship can be solved with love and compassion.
But instead, this kind of behavior only plays into what the narcissist wants. The narcissist will start to feel more important and more powerful the more the empath invests in to the relationships.
They love being the star attraction and the empath will keep on giving in to these desires. His presence is often very emotionally intense and most Empaths are attracted to that, whether they realize it or not. He may also be hard to read emotionally his vibe is intense but it may be very distorted, like static on a TV where one cannot see the true picture and since reading other people's emotional states is often very easy for the Empath to do, she may be drawn to him in spite of herself in an attempt to figure him out.
Who is this guy? What's going on with him? In short order, he will reveal his lifetime of abuse real or embellished along with a carefully-crafted commercial pitch showcasing how wonderful he is usually not real - and how wonderful she is, even though he just met her - and she will be effectively snared because she does not realize at first that the intense emotionality she is reading from him has nothing to do with her. It is all for himself. It would seem unlikely that the Empath would fall for this considering that she is very in tune with others' emotions and their true selves.
Can't she see what he really is? The answer is yes, she can. Most Empaths sense something "wrong" about the Narcissist very quickly, sometimes during the first conversation. But she can also see something else, and it overrides everything else: It's not an act on his part or a mistake on the Empath's part; the Narcissist really is fundamentally wounded and broken inside. A large number of Narcissists are skilled at appearing helpless and lost.
That's because in many ways, they truly are. Her mistake is in thinking she can help him. This is the attraction. She wants to help him. It is her fatal blind spot, because the Narcissist cannot be helped and more importantly, he does not want help. Yet even when she can see this clearly, his wounds are clearer.
13 Stages Of A Relationship Between An Empath And A Narcissist
They are evident in everything he does, even in the horrible things. Especially in the horrible things. The Why He is adept at making her believe she is the only one who can help him, or that she already has helped him.
This is what she wants. It feeds her need to help, and no one is more convincing than the Narcissist when he is showering someone with praise or pushing their emotional buttons to get a response. She gives him the emotional sustenance he both wants and needs, allowing him to bask in the light of her care and attention all the time.
It is a dangerously codependent relationship which revolves around superficially fulfilling the needs of only one person who can be neither satisfied nor happy. The Narcissist is like a cup with a hole in the bottom: There is an important distinction to make here, however. We say "superficially fulfilling" because it is important to remember that the Empath's needs are being fulfilled, too, even if this does not seem to be the case.
She is usually the obvious injured party in the relationship but she is a willing injured party; she has locked herself in a situation where she can perpetually "help" someone who will always need her. She has made a "career" out of taking care of a professional victim who does not want to get better. This may seem like victim-blaming to some, but it is only by recognizing this very thing that the Empath can empower herself to get away from the Narcissist for good: He only has the power over her that she is giving to him.
Lots of Narcissists are arrogant overachievers but most are crippled by their disorder in many ways, unable to function in the world normally in more than a very superficial way. The Empath sees an opportunity to take care of someone in perpetuity - and even if she doesn't want to, her caring nature can make her feel that she must. What will he do without her? It doesn't seem fair to abandon him, regardless of how horrible he is because he is sick and the sickness is not his fault.
The Best Kind Of Relationship For An Empath To Be In
It's true that the way his brain works is not his fault. Maybe no one loved him enough when he was a child. Maybe he was abused. Maybe none of it is really the Narcissist's fault. However, it is not hers, either. She does not need to be punished forever because of someone else's mistakes. If she stays in the relationship with the Narcissist, she will be.
This is the Empath's nightmare: