Relationships after having a baby - NHS
In This Section. Your Relationships After Pregnancy; Moms' Stories; Latest Here's what to expect and how to get them all back on track. bed. Resuming Sex . No money, no sex, and no time. This isn't how you pictured parenthood with the man you love. Here's how to get your relationship back on track. It would come as no surprise that being a couple who has two toddlers, we are having relationship problems. I read a lot of books when I was pregnant and even .
8 Shocking Ways Marriage Changes After Baby
But there were never so many things that had to be done so quickly. You can't procrastinate about chores once you have an infant. Well, I did that, so you do this.
One strategy to decrease infighting: Post a list of daily chores on the fridge and switch responsibilities each week.
Everyone will know what he or she needs to do. So if you think that you're always doing 90 percent of everything, you probably are. Just remember, so is your spouse.
But men often respond better to direct requests. I know it might not seem fair because you may never get thanks, but this will make your husband more receptive to future requests. And niceties breed a less combative atmosphere. Moreover, it might be catching! Parenting Styles The issue: Your parenting styles cancel each other out.
It's nice to think you'd share child-rearing philosophies, but it's often hard to predict how you'll feel about sleep, food, and discipline until you're smack in the middle of your fourth night up with baby. This is not the ideal time to discover that while you favor a sleep-training method that lets your child cry, your spouse really can't deal with tears for any amount of time. You may also find that your parenting styles clash as you reach for the pacifier at the first sign of distress softie while your partner says no sternly when the baby starts to drum with spoons on the high-chair tray toughie.
My friends Tina and Tim Anson discovered that they differed on just about everything when it came to the baby. And he lets naps happen anywhere, anytime, too. I'd come home to see Jake sleeping in the middle of a circle of toys on the living room floor at dinnertime! Ditto for scheduled naps. Parenting Styles Explained What worked for them was letting the other deal with the consequences of his or her method.
When Tim had to stay up with Jake until all hours on a night when the baby took a 5 p. Similarly, the day Tina attempted unsuccessfully to play with Jake at his play stations while also doing some housework, she realized that having the baby play in the laundry room may be a small price to pay for actually getting the clothes washed.
On more serious issues, such as sleeping or feeding, there are ways to compromise, too. For certain things—such as when to start solids—you need to follow set guidelines. Talk to your pediatrician about what's recommended. For issues such as sleep i. Then discuss what's best to do.
I know one mother, for instance, who actually slept at a friend's house for a week while her husband sleep-trained their 8-month-old son. After reading about the Ferber method, she agreed it was a good idea, but she still didn't want to listen to her son cry.
Your Sex Life The issue: You have sex half as often, and it's twice the hassle. Of course you're in love, you're just not in the mood for getting naked under the covers. Nor do the love notes or text messages or showing your love, just because.
Experiment with doing something loving for your partner once a week. Give your partner the day off.
OK, so a whole day may be out of the question, but surely you can give your partner an afternoon to spend time with his friends or even just to have a nap, while you take care of baby. These acts of service show your partner that you consider his time and needs important.
More likely than not, he will return the favor. Take five minutes to connect each day. Conversations and attention tend to revolve around your children and not your spouse.
Saving Your Marriage After Baby: 6 Solutions to Common Problems
Take at least five minutes each day to ask your spouse about his day and have him ask about yours. Make a habit of doing this at a time when you can give each other your undivided attention. Sex has probably become a distant memory The change "Sex was not on the top of our list. But, at least temporarily, your sex life has probably taken a nosedive. You had to wait about six weeks after giving birth before having sex.
And frankly, once you got the go-ahead from your doctor, you may not have actually felt ready to do it yet yes, it may hurt—it won't be torture, but your body's been through a lot, and it will take time to get back to normal. And definitely don't let it be like this forever—you both could use some good sex, are we right?
You love your baby more than your partner The change "Once we had our baby, we were a little distant from each other. It obviously hurt my husband's feelings—we were mostly distant because all I wanted to do was be around the baby.
So he made me sit down and he lectured me about how we are still married and our relationship is just as important. But you may not have predicted that, at least for a little while, you would practically forget that your partner exists. How to deal Try not to let it get in between you. Niceties have gone out the window The change "It has caused a lot of friction between us.
We've bickered much more than we used to. I don't want to use the term fight, because to me, that means yelling and feelings being hurt. We just snap at each other more easily. Need some extra help? There are now apps out there—like Lasting —that ask you some questions to get to know your relationship, and then map out a program to improve your communication and conflict skills and weave healthy habits and romantic rituals into your daily lives.
There's no such thing as downtime The change "The time we used to have for each other, where I would lie on the couch with my husband for two hours at night, is gone. Now that time is spent cleaning up, prepping things for the next day bottles, outfits and doing household chores.
Watch trashy reality TV together, play Rock Band, read novels in bed and then switch when you were done. All that cool, fun, intimate stuff is gone—at least for now, while you have zero time to waste.